I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
