Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
