Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
