the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
