I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
