i will never coherently bang her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
