she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
