The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
