I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever