We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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