I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
