So drunk its hurt
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
