He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My penis needs a shock collar
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
