Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
