I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
