i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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