There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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