32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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