They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
