So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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