I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize