You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
