Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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