Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
