Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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