Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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