If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
