I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
