Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
