Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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