i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
