My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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