Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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