ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
