Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
