I need help removing her.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's never too late to be topless.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize