she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
