I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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