But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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