the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
