Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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