you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
