So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
