she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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