I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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