your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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