I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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