Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
