I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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