Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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