If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My balls are so social today.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
