Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
