maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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