So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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