And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
