Where is the hickey?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
