I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my shit smells like andre
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
