So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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