your parents love me but you hate me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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