Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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