woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I forget how to act sober
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
