After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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