C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
