anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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