That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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