There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
