his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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