Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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