got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
