i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He has the fingertips of a God
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