Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hippo gnu deer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
