saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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