i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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