I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
