Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
