I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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