Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize