I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
