i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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