dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
