I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
