A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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