cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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