I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
